Bloomer Blooms Out!

Hey how does your garden grow? And how is that hammock anyway? It’s freakin’ Friday again!

So here we are in the dog days of summer and I’d give anything to be a dog; my dog in particular. Not only is he chillin’ on the cold floor- with not a care in the world, I mean he has a daily housekeeper and a personal chef! Me! Ugh!

What I wouldn’t give-I mean afterall in this stage of the game, it would be nice to chill out & relax, perhaps get waited on, get plyed with snacks and get a constant of hands on massages! I couldn’t even imagine how nice that would be! It would, however, be a real tough one to do my doodie in front of my neighbors’ window while they looked out! Oh well my dog can’t have everything, right?

It’s about that time~the crazy train is pulling into the station & time to grab a cuppa somethin’! All aboard!
Can you all hear Ozzie’s laughter in the background? Catch you all a bit later-Hope you’ll join me for my next ride and don’t forget to smile & laugh in the face of middle age no matter how creepy it is!!!!! Smile on Crazy train!

I’m Ticked Off, How About You?

I think at our ages, we’ve lived long enough to say UGH when we hear reports like the padded push-up bras for sale on-line at the Abercrombie & Fitch Kids web-site!
Yep, that’s what I said~many complained and A & F did react they removed words like push-up and bra and replaced them with padded and triangle! It was to be a bathing suit for approx. 7, 8, & 9 year olds and was advertised as a push-up! In a world that has so much chaos and misunderstandings this one takes the cake! Now the site has it listed as a padded triangle. I’ve said it before and in my opinion, it almost always comes back to mom & dad~ Stop caving in! When I was a kid I went out and played, we invented things, we handcrafted stuff like a fake house that we would perhaps have the next door boy be the husband, and we would maybe have a hug and we thought we were so bad! Oh wait that was something that could’ve went terribly bad, but it didn’t and I think that is because we were innocent~we didn’t know it could’ve been anything else.

Kids do mimic what they see and hear~ so if they are mimicing a good stable relationship like the one you are in hey that’s not bad, but if Susie wants a stripper pole and a “padded triangle” you are so in trouble! Keep pushing the Barbie house for as long as you can~And just say no to everything else!

When your child wants something and you don’t want them to have it just say no! It really is just that easy~just say no. Put ear plugs in there may be some crying and pleading involved but if you hold your ground more times than not your children will not ask you silly questions in the future. And thus this will help you balance your life in such a way you may even wind up with a few extra dollars in your pocket to spend on an overly high priced and high calorie coffee drink. Or dare I say it and alcoholic one and if you do the latter please raise a toast in thanks to me~ I’ll be smiling!

Have a great day and if I’m not here to pour out sage advice go to a web-site where you can find funny little quotes, it’ll help you get through a hectic day(maybe) *If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy her friends! author unknown.* http://www.quotegarden.com

Back at you tomorrow,when we’ll get the crazy train back on track…and the comedy of your life (and mine) will once again chuck on by! UGH!

Don’t forget you can also tweet with me @2happyright

Mary Caliendo

Are You Having Fun Yet?

So Spring is about to bust out all over and you are wearing jeggins because you’ve all been on that crazy holiday train for some time now, right? I wanted to take the time to tell you that you need to stop riding the loop; time to hit the depot and get ready for the summer! Yes, its February time to start working out now!

Feeling your age is what your supposed to do when you are this age, while we don’t actually have to say or even think of what that number actually is~we all know you know what that means, right? So if you belong to a gym and are paying for a membership why are you not there? When the snow melts a small path wide enough to walk on-go walk on it! What I am saying that if it is the dancing date with the hubby, or you just blasting the stereo during your house cleaning chores Shake what your mamma gave ya! And do it like you mean it! Burn those calories and simply just feel good! Well it’s a start anyway.

No one is going to get rid of twenty years of overweightedness (is that a word)in a single workout. I mean we all understand how hard you worked on those chips, pies, cakes, cookies, ice cream sundaes (I could continue to fantasize but) and sometimes we are embarrassed in front of others. You need to adopt my new attitude which is: Don’t look if you can’t take a joke! I know that I have most likely burned out many an eye from their quick glances it can’t be helped sometimes!

So I am carefree and I feel good about that~ I have earned every wrinkle, crinkle, age spot and gray hair-so now my character includes a few extra pounds too! I smile in the face of adversity and I buck up and go to the YMCA, I walk, I swim, I tai chi, and well Jimmy-Crack-Corn and I don’t care!

I am a good me and in a good way I am healthier for it. I laugh at the things that bother most like those crazy road map of veins on my legs, the crackling knee upon every move, or that intolerable stiff neck I get twice a week or so! I try not to let much bother me there’s way too much funny stuff out there to laugh at!

So if you are a teenager and you are complaining about pain it had better be good, because uh no sympathy here-I mean I have been there when there wasn’t physical therapy, or massage places on every corner, or even good x-rays for that matter!

So whatever you do move it ladies and gents because if you don’t move you gone lose it! And laugh, find something in this world you find funny, hilarious even and let it rip! Laugh until you pee~I promise you will feel better! You have earned it!

All aboard! The Crazy Train is about to depart……………………see you soon……………………..Mary Caliendo

Gliding On That Crazy Train!

So now that the holidays are completely signed, sealed, and delivered and hopefully all of the dust is settled, we can get back to life!  Now all you have left other than taking a few items back to the store for return, are all the funny tidbits and tales of the family visits, right?

Okay you don’t want to tell all and that’s okay so I’ll start it for you…..did you entertain guests that stayed at your home? Did you take guests shopping for gifts? Did you take long grueling hours in the kitchen to host a fabulous dinner?  If you answered yes to just one of those questions you should have many secrets to reveal.

 First things first, I hate it when someone comes over and if that person is slightly afraid of the dog (even if it is teeny-tiny and shaking while peeing)it peeves me to the ends of the earth that they feed my beloved pooch! Come on I would not come to visit you and say where are your scary pets, let me feed them they will like me!  Nope. Wrong! And just stop that (as I pick up the vile pile of puke that the dog ralphed in the corner) so that is just numero uno but secondly, if someone visits your home and all they can do is complain about everything and anything especially family~I have politely told one family member that he needs to stick a pie in that hole because while I am not enormously happy about some extended family members life decisions, however, it is not my place to interject or even complain about them. If a family member wants to choose to get a DUI, and you promise to drive the dependant children to anywhere and everywhere well that is up to you~DO NOT complain!

If an  extended family member had a gaseous irritated bowel syndrome problem and you happen to be sitting in a cloud of vapors~well you can choose to move or pass out the Beeno’s before dinner DO NOT Complain! If Uncle Harry’s “wiglet” is falling freely from it’s hairline position and you find it hard to tell him so~again DO NOT Complain!

And if the “staying” guests bring along the youngings and they simply turn the house upside down because well you just aren’t used to that well sorry but that’s kids and you’ll just have to get over the kid sounds and the kid “crumbs” all over! Now if these kids happen to be of the teenage set, or even middle twenties, please be forewarned and make sure your internet  has an updated secure system!  I will plead the 5th as to where some couple of them went! Mind you I’m not Complaining~just saying!

So overall, after the ciggy butts are picked up from the driveway and the stains removed from the carpet~it was fun catching up and living it up!  I hope that you got to do some of that too! My wish for the new year and for you all is that you will have the opportunity to continue to remain close~close to the things you know & love. And of course close to the things that are the freakin’ most funny on the planet! 

Live to tell about it! (oh but always change the name) Laugh about it! (Because it is the only medicine) Long for it! (Because when it comes down to it-family is all we’ve got) So Enjoy & Laugh your way through! Join me as my Crazy Train keeps on chugging down the tracks of life made lighter with laughter!  Mary Caliendo

Christmas Is Almost Here!

T’was the five days before Christmas when all through my house not a creature was stirring except the mom of the house…is this something new?  Oh well we are only shortly before our goal: Christmas morning and I’m trying to keep my eye on that prize but shizzle is starting to hit the fan! You bet those stockings are hung and the tree has been trimmed~ all for the arrival of the fat man in red~ no wait sorry he’s already on the couch with the remote in his hand! Yikes I say…please move it out of the way or dear sir you just may lose it; you see the housekeeper is here (that’s me) wanting to deep clean and the designer(that’s me) needs to rearrange the furniture so the long table could be put in for Christmas dinner.

Is there anything you can add I ask? Lend a hand I ask? I guess it was meant as a compliment when the guy on the couch said only you can do what you do…it simply just meant that he couldn’t be bothered! I guess a guy could eat Christmas dinner off the floor with clumps of dust bunnies and lint balls all around (and no my house has never been that dirty ever)! I’m off to go shopping for food now at this point in time and all the kiddies presents have been bought and wrapped and yeah you guessed it the husband will be spoiled too and I just realized that I am a multi-tasker extraordinaire! I can’t believe I’ve done the whole thing!

So I’m gearing up for the large dinner and the wonderful family guests that will be the subject of many lines of this blog, I hope that you will enjoy your Christmas whatever it is. Whether your Christmas is large or small or religious or not, I send my blessing to you all and wishing you the best for the new year to come! Be merry and enjoy and if you tend to over-enjoy just stay don’t drive or designate someone more responsible than yourself to take the wheel because getting in a wreck is no laughing matter!

Life is like Christmas you never know what you’ll get and whether it will be returned or not! Laugh it off as you stand in line~and in honor of the little ones who have made the Gingerbread cookies that looked like misfit children from a zombie zone, bite off the head and chew!!!

Merry Christmas!

Mary Caliendo

3 Saturday Haiku For You

Well keeping it going here’s three more Haiku (the over the hill kind) for your sheer pleasure. Have a great weekend!

Life hits you at a

million miles an hour so

enjoy what you have!

**********

The body moans and

it will groan when movement is

made so take it slow!

**********

It’s the holidays

the season is rough; bear down

so shop, give, love, party!

Enjoy you Grayside life!

Holiday Happiness?

 How’s it hangin’ everyone?  Yeah, I am talking to you- I know somewhere you’re hanging; you can no longer hide!  Well I hope you can say you’re a survivor of 2010 Thanksgiving! So now that you’ve all thrown away that last scrap of leftover turkey & cranberries (um if you didn’t you really should slowly move away from the computer and look in your refrigerator~do it slowly and calculated because anything that is left in there is surely alive and may even jump at you oh and wear some protective gloves too!), it’s time to move on and into the Christmas rush!!!

A merry what and a happy huh? Well I’m not Scrooge or anything and I’m not normally a bah humbug-ger but at my stage of the game “the thrill is gone” if you know what I mean! As we trounce around bundled up to our core, we aimsly join the thousands of other lemurs out in the stores!  Look maybe the children will play with that $100. piece of crap, or how about this game nah..needs at least two players (meaning you) so maybe that doesn’t work!  Did you once promise Johnny a puppy?  You better not have~shame on you for making any promises first of all!  No really you try within reason to get that special toy; that Sing-a-mah-jig or the Shu-shu pet and all its gear, or how about that Lego castle or remote helicopter? We really are lemurs but we look into to their eyes and suddenly they are no longer tots, they are  teens off to college or getting married and now you’re a granny and grampy!

Life comes at us full force and sometimes (it does me anyway) knock us on our little keisters (notice how I said little) and you wake up and think of all those really happy, happy holiday times!  The family, the food, the gifts and then you realize what it is all about: God and his jokes (bet you thought I was going somewhere else?). He’s up there waiting for the next generation after me and you to continue on the tradition of forgetting him while charging the kiddie toys so he in turn makes us suffer during long lines, overheatedness (is this a word?), carts up the you know what , and cranky seasonal store employees (who actually should be happy in this economy that they have a job!) while having only a minimal meal!

I know now that since I’ve thought this through (I reflect every year about this time), before I go to sleep tonight I’m definitely giving that big man upstairs a shout out or two! I’m also going to give thanks for being able to live another day to see the happy faces on Christmas morning. The happy screams of children: “Oh yes!”  “Oh my God I’ve always wanted this!” As we all know that in our hearts of hearts we wouldn’t be here without him!

So everybody out there in my stage of the game God Bless you and may you find that toy or game you’re looking for because if I find it first oh well I’m getting it!  Happy Holiday Happiness everyone!

Mary Caliendo

Manic Monday!

Hello Monday!  ER…UH….. Hey what happened to the weekend? Oh that’s right I’m still looking through the weekend toy ads!  Yep, that’s right it’s Black Friday on a Monday many weeks before Black Friday actually happens! Why is that you ask?  To stimulate the econonmy~to have a longer season in which to purchase toys for kids for Christmas, Not sure about you but my list is going to be smaller this year and I’m sticking to it! Christmas really is for the kids and that is the way it should be~nothing funny there just the the wise old owl spouting off at what I personally think should take place:  My idea: kids under the age of 18 get Christmas gifts!  All of us other fools should get maintainance gifts: these can be anything from free housecleaning, shopping trip runs, wait staff at next family gathering, garbage taker-outer, dog walker, laundress for one week, floor mopper, oh wait I could go on………………These are what over the hill people want during Thanksgiving and Christmas. I mean it is wonderful to get a great new sweater but one cannot imagine the good they will do if they submitted any of the above as a gift!! My tired old body is weary and doesn’t if figure out we are the bakers, food makers, gift buyers, secret Santas, and all together do-it-allers! And we are now older!!  And what makes this right? 

P.S. If any of my readers want to submit that gift you all can too!  That was not just for the family…..hahahaha! I am not a Scrooge and when the going gets rough and I’m tough I get going!  And now I guess that is why they keep on coming back…..the food is good, the pies are great…..conversation is fun and everyone is happy!  Would we have it any other way?

Join me continuously as I travel on the Holiday fun wacky train….somewhere in the distance I hear Ozzie singing!!!!

Mary Caliendo

She’s Baaack!

Hey everyone taking these long vacations from each other have proven to be less than restful~with the thought that no posts have been made for sometime now is no laughing matter!  So here I go again trying to get back into the swing of things!  First, without my little entries my laughter has dissipated quite a bit!  So with the holidays in the distance you can see why I’m gearing up can’t you???

I’m not sure about you, but I think family and friends make not only the most interesting fodder for comment, they are also the funniest people on Earth! Between the conversations that take place around the dinner tables or in some people’s’ home the poker table-or the unbelievable gifts given or gotten-you know that there are jokes in there!

I’ve told people forever, to just watch it~you may become part of a post in Tales From The Grayside or perhaps wind up in my tell all novel that will of course be hilarious, right?  Any way no matter what I will stick to the adage that to protect all those that can be considered slightly innocent; I’ll never reveal your name!!! Hahahaha

Now don’t get scared just laugh along!  Join in on the funny train and you’ll all get a bit of relief, while you are crafting your holiday cards and your gifts because everything is too expensive to buy, it’s ok me too! (blushing for exactly 0 seconds)

So join me starting with tomorrows’ post Funny Train To the Holidays!  Now excuse me while I go eat my cholesterol-fat-lowering Oatmeal and coffee! Have a wonderfully funny happy day!

Mary Caliendo

(catch me @2happyright

My House is Making Me Fat!

 By Mary Caliendo                                                                                                                                                                                                           

I just read an article that stated that your house could be making you fat!  There are many reasons you could be fat, so why not just the blame the house I mean after all the house will not talk back to you! It will not accuse you of being mistaken or of lying!  So all in all it is the house’s fault! Bam!  Thank you psychologist or Feng Shui (ist) person for coming up with the fact that the way my bed faces or the fact that I have piles of papers cluttering my study gets me stuck in a place that requires me and anyone else in the same boat to accidentally put on weight or even feel weighted down!   Hello.

Well that may be a load of crap and another angle to look at things but seriously folks eat right,exercise, and get some rest and we’d all be fine. Our lifestyle is to blame for our obesity and habits that are bad for us  (can you say guacamole and tostito chips at 10 p.m.) How about, and ladies and gents I know you do this, secretly reward your child/children with treats like the ice cream cone for being good, when you just want the ice cream cone yourself!  Fess up I know you are out there!

When you think about all the stuff that could even remotely pack on the pounds oh wow we are all screwed! Skip the fests, the BBQ’s, the carnivals, and the kid’s birthday bash, and don’t you even dare go to a restaurant because there you go~pack them on~ what is a person to do?

I have a small but funny idea that…. well you tell me…go into your study or “junk room” and do not come out until you have cleaned that room from top to bottom or just get into that garage or basement..sweep that floor and rearrange! For when you have finished these projects you will feel better the weight of all that paper and cobwebs will have released you and for the first time in what may seem years from your calorie-ladened life and (*clearing throat) you may have burnt a few calories and lost a pound or two!

I hope you’ve smiled today at something I’ve said…for in these late years something’s got to give! So for me today I am off to clean my study and my garage thank you!  Here’s to a slimmer me and you!  Now go get out of here before your house makes you fat! 

Oh No You Didn’t!

Oooops I did it again!  I created another blog! So here comes Tales From the Grayside! Welcome!  This is for all boomers,mid-life crisis(ers),moms, dads, and very former beauty queens! Just to let you all know that as I sit here around my kitchen table with my pj’s on and messed up slippers(oh so comfortable) I’m thinking of you!

I’ll be letting you all back into your own little world’s and I’m sure as you read my blog each day, you might just smile and laugh because you will surely relate! This blog will let you know that it wasn’t just you, the stuff going on over there IS happening here too! So sit back, relax as I try to take on a journey back into yourself!

With a smile and a yawn (need more coffee) I’ll start with some bits of advice:

Ladies lipstick- don’t leave home without it! 

Enjoy your day……so much more to come…………..the eggs are burning…………Later!

Mary Caliendo

It Doesn’t Fit Me Anymore!

When exactly was it when you woke up to get ready for the day and your favorite pair of jeans or dress pants for work did not fit?

When exactly was it when you went into the dressing room with three of the same dresses all in different sizes?

And when exactly was it that you stopped being photographed in pictures?  Or maybe you hadn’t noticed that yet!

Well I knew it was curtains for me when all three of those things happened. And it felt raw! And I felt sorry for my self; true!  How about you did you? (I don’t mean spread a mile wide just felt sorry for yourself) It was going to be one of those days I just knew it! I went to the supermarket to pick up a few things for dinner that night and the shizzle was already hitting the fan bright and early. You know, I’m standing in the check out line (of course it is the only one open)and we are three deep and I feel like walking out but, the early bird gets the nappy later (wink wink)! So I’m out early trying to accomplish-but I am surrounded by AARP (oops shh I only qualify by marriage at this point)and it is not even Wednesday OMG!  Suddenly right into my backside is the cart of the woman behind me, I turn to give a look and instead she smiles not realizing that she did this so oookay! When I start putting my stuff on the belt as it opens, there it is again!  Ouch I say out loud, this one got me (I know she had to know she did it) as I turn around she is looking at the movie star rags and yells out look at that anorexic girl- is she a movie-star shame on her, no wait shame on her mother!

Yikes!  Oh I just want to go home-it’s my turn now and my items only total seven and I am out of there in a jiffy! I turn to look at the elderly woman and she yells out “Nice talking with you sweetie” I wave. I think to myself was I talking to her? Wow.  I deserve an overly expensive cup of coffee on the way home for all my efforts thus far, and then I drive through the window that dares to have a tip-jar(you all know), And a blonde boy/girl takes my order and I close my eyes and shake my head. Where am I another planet?? I get my coffee yum can’t wait to indulge as I pull out of the window slowly and head to the exit where I meet the stop sign. I sit and patiently await my turn. I am second in line and now as I pull to a complete stop, the young man with goatee behind me (has loud banging bass stereo on)screeches his mini-truck out from in back of me and passes me up with the bird out the window!  What is this world coming to?

I look down and the front of my white tee is now full of that super great coffee! Are you kidding me, I shake my head. As I walk into the mudroom, I remove my shirt and begin the process of stain removal. I am confident that I will get this out since it was only on my shirt for all of five minutes!  There is a God.

Anyway, I head off to the table sans shirt, and I sit at the table to enjoy the brew-when I see out the window that the fertilization crew has arrived!  Oh I better go get dressed.

I put on my raggy clothes, sip my cup of coffee and watch the crew spray the lawn. I sigh a bit and realize that even with all the events of the day thus far, life is good!

It leaves me to wonder what the rest of the day will bring. I shutter to think, so I won’t.

Are You Ready for Some School!

Oh yes, I can’t wait, the utter morning chaos!  It’s what every person should live for. If you are not quite the ready for empty nest quiet yet, today’s post is for you!  While some children have gone back to school as early as last week, and still some not until  after Labor Day holiday we are all on the same page!  You may be scrambling to get school supplies, registering for college,buying book bags and clothes. And oh for those whom have girls-last but not least the locker stuff!  You know in a myriad of colors from pink to purple, there are racks, mirrors, separators,baskets and of course the homemade collage. The decoration of choice all of the fav. things right in one spot so when the daughter finally gets to the locker she can look at it! Meanwhile you continue to yell “will you please pick up all those magazine scraps!” (this is the third day).

And finally when all the dust settles from the runs to the mall,the Target, the Staples and anywhere else I think of that I went to get totally ripped off; breathe!  In just one more week the house will be still and quiet in the afternoon where a woman of my stature and tenure on the job may warrant an extended soak in the tub (w/jets mind you!). I’ll plan it! I will dream it and this year by-golly I’m going to make that happen! I can feel it now, sheer relaxation and meditation. Wow doesn’t that sound great? Well let me know ladies and gents if you actually get to go in your tub w/jets!  God knows we all deserve it! Have a great day and wear a smile it may help!

3 Saturday Haiku for You!

MID-LIFE HAIKU

It’s the weekend and the last thing  you need is more bitching and moaning, so on every Saturday I give you mid-life Haiku!

Enjoy!

Hair-dye, lipstick, and

Chocolate make me feel fine

for those days that aren’t.

———————————-

Sweatpants and hoodies

cupcakes,goodies and cuppa

tea is sheer comfort!

————————————

Hot flashes and sass

soft leather chair and chilled wine

ease the pain of age!

——————————————

Back on Monday!

Mary Caliendo

Good Manic Monday!

Good morning all you sunshine readers! My allergies spiked up over the weekend and the R & R was only sort of relaxing. Medication gets you that morning “hung over” feeling great, I don’t know about you but I don’t function well hung over! So welcome manic Monday! And it’s time to make the donuts.

My kids (big and small) are all nestled in bed (I’m sure dreaming of all those sugarplums) in hopes that soon the maid will be there. There to make them food, give them money, buy them needless stuff, drop them at the mall, and for the college guy more money! But let me continue, the stockings are all hung in the mudroom with care and when out on the lawn the rose such a clatter, but what do my eyes see? But six little eyes staring back at me -for today is the last day for the wee little ones to play out!  The wheels on the bus will come rolling by early in the a.m.  tomorrow!  Oh woe is me, I’m planning nothing you see!  Just a book, sunglasses, and a chair will do for the patio comes calling for me!

It’s sounds like an ideal life to you doesn’t it?  I hope your manic Monday goes well and your trying Tuesday does too!

Enjoy mid-lifers!

Mary Caliendo

Trying Tuesday

Good day to all those who have made it this far this week! Well if you’re reading this I know you may just be relaxing, or perhaps you are working on your blog….anyhow we are approaching mid-week  as we approach one day more into the trek into mid-life.

Today for me as the last child got on the bus for the first day of school, I’m going over the projects in the house that need to be completed before the end of summer. I’m also weighing out the fact that this may have not been the greatest time to start the low -carb-ish/South Beach diet ! In one aspect it is, I will no longer have to go pick up fast food because the kids are in school now.(My kids think that since they are off of school and they find themselves at home that requires a trip to the Mc D’s) yeah I can munch on broccoli, spinach, turkey bacon, and eggs yummy? Oh well I’ll finally look great under my nice puffy winter coat!  Right?

Now my exercise program thus far has included but not limited to, walking up and down the stairs with laundry baskets full of clothes, shopping at the mall, walking in the house with the grocery bags, and finally taking the dog in and out of the house. Whew, I’m not sure I can include more but I’ll try. I will use older daughter’s dumbbells during the Conan O’Brien and Jimmy Fallon shows. That will help. I’m sure of that!

But as I finish cleaning my kitchen, I’m anticipating what I will have for dinner tonight, I wonder if my kids would eat hummus? MMMMmmm yeah I doubt it! So it looks like they family will most likely have a great dinner and I will have a lowcarbish rubbish diet, and I know I’ll be better for it! I will press on (shoot that reminds me I have to iron) I have a date with my patio chair in just a bit! And I’ll try to make it through this trying Tuesday and into Wednesday humpday and I hope you’ll be along to take the ride!

Enjoy your day mid-lifers, take it easy!

Mary Caliendo

Have a Great Humpday?

Day two of empty house (devoid of cartoon network and cell phone rings and hip-hop jamming)! Yes! Today is an overcast and otherwise crappy day and I am determined to make this one a great day for me. While I have no massage scheduled, nor a special pedicure, I am going to take that fabulous tub soak w/jets that I mentioned in previous post, do you remember?

I hope you’ll get your own special soak, you do deserve it. When you are heading to “the grayside” of life it is the very little things in life that count so much.  Now if you could jet off to the French Rivera and then tour through the hills of picturesque Tuscany, Italy well nothing would compare!  (But uh, snap out of it! )Back to reality and the fact that those children and the significant other will come home again sometime today and they will be hungry, or perhaps tell tales of the locker jam, or even getting a parking space about a mile away from class. They do deserve the best you, right?

So go into your bathroom and fumble through the unorganized cabinet until you find that great wrinkle cream that you bought some years ago, take a deep breath and apply! Once done send off that e-mail for your 30th high school class reunion and tell them that you’re coming!  When you get to the reunion, you will be surprised that those “most likely to’s…..didn’t!  And those that were once so nice looking, at this stage of life their bodies have started going south and their faces show the crinkles of time and worry. And now you are all on equal ground! Hah I knew it would happen!  You can change your job title to Time and Care Manager or Tranquility Technician, or even Family Mediator, and they would all be true! Tell them that your job has proved to be priceless and that you wouldn’t give it up for anything. And that you reap mounds and mounds of personal benefits.

So make your date with the soaking tub, or grab that great book, sit down and exhale! Have a glass of wine with your dinner. You have reached the point where you can now tell “Tales From The Grayside”. Happy humpday!

Twitter Thursday!

Well the week is almost over! Yippie! Can’t wait for the week end. It’s been raining and overcast for the most part and that makes for ho hum, blah and boring days. So that’s where twitter comes in. Do you tweet? Or Twit?  How many -friends do you have? Are you like me and not sure why I do it?  I heard recently that it is our “age group” that is leading the great big twitterway! So I know there are some of you out there tweeting with me, why not send me a line of two so blah rainy days become great twitter days! I dare you!

Well moving right along, my dog, a Yorkie who thinks he is a German Shepard, continually is barking out the front window at the leaves that are falling to the ground! Yikes, leaves falling to the ground already, it feels too early for  change of seasons. I am not ready to leave the summer behind. It’s wonderful not to have to bundle up against the cold. And for those of you who leave in a temperate climate all year round; I’m jealous of you. Though I think I would miss Christmas without the snow(even though we Midwesterners have not always had snow no the ground) it is a mind-set- we have cold and the calendar says Christmas -it just feels good.

We have had many Halloween nights that have been in the 80′s, and that is nice for the kids they have more fun when I didn’t put the puffy winter coat underneath the mermaid costume, or the  ninja costume! What can I say?  It wasn’t about being able to see the costume, it was about being warm right?

Oh well, we’ll see if our MLB team will make it to the playoff season, or will those teams go on the way-side for–Are you ready for some football? Da’Bears!  Time to go and finish my very tasty turkey bacon and tomato and cheese omelet! I am determined to lose 10 more pounds- just in time to look great for the holidays(where I will put it all back on again!)

So back to the newspaper,  and  yummy turkey stuff ; until tomorrow…………………send me a tweet @2happyright

Mary Caliendo

Freaky Friday!

Are you having a freaky Friday? Or is it just me? I’m just chilling out after the morning rush, trying to actually drink one warm cup of coffee! Wishing the weather was a bit better today(I was going to start that exercise program today darn)! I’ve got to finish my low-carb-ish morning meal and then I’m going out in just a bit to go and get a lottery ticket-the jackpot for the winner is some $325,000,000! Could you imagine what you would do with money like that? I could imagine many, many things! Good Luck to all of us who enter. And you will all be the first to know if I win!  Hahaha!

I’d love to buy my girlfriend a new car because she missed out on the “cash for clunkers” program!  And she really could use a new one. I am sure plenty of people actually missed out on the “cash for clunkers” deals, because they just could not take on another payment- not so funny but true! So anyway back to the lottery- I’d give alot of that money away, but one thing is for sure I’d institute “attitude adjustment” classes as requirement in high school. This is so  that when they get out into the real world, they may have some respect for their elders out there-(remember the boy w/goatee who could not wait his turn at the stop sign behind me?) That guy definitely needed a huge adjustment of some sort.  Once again, I think perhaps we need to talk to his mother!! I would be embarrassed if my son did that to anyone!

So without further adieu, the morning dust has settled and I’m off to pray to the lottery god, and I’ll put a word in for you too! (maybe I’ll get a new pair of slippers).

Look tomorrow for 3 Saturday Haiku. Until then……

Mary Caliendo

3 Saturday Haiku For You!

mid-lifeMid-Life Haiku

It’s the weekend and the last thing you need is more bitching and moaning! So every Saturday I give you mid-life Haiku!

Enjoy! See You on Monday!

He’s bald, and got a

big beer belly, it wiggles

as he laughs at me!

 

Aches and pains all over

your legs,back,and knees Oh my!

Soak it, rub it; done!

 

And one more for fun……….

Frumpy, chunky me

happy-go-lucky he is

Smile, it won’t last long!

 

Enjoy your day!

Mary Caliendo

Manic Monday!

I welcome you again Manic Monday! Well my family made it through the first week of Back to school! Thank goodness, right?  Everything went well, the papers got signed, lunches were enjoyed, and buses were not missed!  Even the college student made it to all of his classes(even though he thinks everyone of his teachers are well, weird to say the least)! Everything is in order and here we go onward toward the end of the year.  Much anticipated by the Jr. High student who thinks that they are already sick of school (3rd day only, boy that one wil have a long year!).

My tale today is to enjoy my journey into my mid-life process while the children either come with me for the ride or not!  I’m going. And hopefully I will continue to have a great sense of humor in which I hope to dispel to all those around me!  Even if my kids think I’m not so funny.  What they do not realize is that I’ve done all of this before; my locker jammed, my car ran out of gas, I fell down at school, and my dog even ate my homework before! The kids have to realize that since I’ve been where they are now, I defiantly know everything!!! It would behoove them to enjoy my funny jokes and my sarcasm everyday, since I hold the key to that next pair of jeans, or i-pod, or cell phone bill……..I mean what can I say? What are moms for?

So when my youngest son asks me “what is that stuff on your face?”(always interrupts when facial mask is on) And I say BOO! And he doesn’t laugh and just stands there thinking “wow what is with mom?” Little does he know……..that under this wonder of a mask will emerge a striking beautiful woman of supermodel quality…..(I am so prepping for that 30th High school reunion)! That even he and his friends will be stunned when they think I’m his older sisters, sister! Okay, Okay so that won’t happen but it was fun to think it might!

So I’m about to go grab another lottery ticket in hopes that I will win(did I mention that I did not win that mega from the other day)and then I can hire a staff to tell my kids jokes, listen to what I other wise call their crap, and hear their food and fun demands! Well that will be the day, right?  Until another mid-life day tomorrow……………Peace(peace out as the kids say)Just another Manic Monday!

Wednesday Humpday!

Good morning humpday followers!  What is a humpday? One could get a whole bunch of meanings out of that-but we shouldn’t go there-what I think it really means is that this is mid-week and the most work you will do, will be on this day of the week!

So whether you are working in an office, or just chucking the wash-you go girl!  You get it! Most times us multi-taskers can get it all done! And BTW (that means by the way-I’ll be using it a lot-I just learned it) done correctly. Talk about getting used to all that the kids know and you do not…..let’s start with the computer….they know so much and are often on it in pre-school and kindergarten; it has become second nature. Now to the tweens,and college kids and the cell phones and the cell phone appps.(that’s short for application) there is so much going on in “real time” with their ability to communicate at an instant rate of speed! It’s mind blowing! Between tweets, facebook,my space, and anything else that might happen while I’m talking here, the social networks are taking over!  So if you can’t beat them-why not join them?

I have, and have started Tweeting Thursday-look for that tomorrow! I hope all of my mid-lifers will join in the fray and come on board. Don’t get frightened or get your panties in a bunch, there are so many tutorials out there and are available via you-tube and to the direct app. (i.e. twitter has their own -just go right to the source) Keep a chin up and forge ahead….after all you are blogging right? You can teach an old dog a new trick!   See?  Now go sit, get a cuppa something and enjoy your humping!!! You ole’ dog!

Mary Caliendo

Twitter Thursday!

If you like this post don’t forget to tweet me at @2happyright! Good morning Divas,divettes,and of course the dudes out there!  Are you feeling it? What you may ask? With the upcoming holiday are we talking the family BBQ? How about the last outdoor festivals of the summer? I’m not feeling the loss of summer, but who doesn’t love curling up with a sweater or the really old hand-me-down afghan your aunt gave your mom and now you have it! Thoughts of roasting marshmallows at the fire-pit sounds fun!  But poof! Back to reality!

Nah, of course I’m talking- are you feeling your age! Or is your age a state of mind?  I visited a few other sites that are my favorites and we all seem to have similar themes running through them. Themes like “have I lost my mind!”, “what to do when you can’t walk in the morning?” Me, I’m trying what I call the laugh it off stage!! I laugh in the face of aches, pains and gray hair!  I dare varicose veins, and a dimpled butt to scare me!  After all it comes with the territory, I mean I have traveled miles in this skin, so why not let everyone see it right?  Why hide behind the mask of botox, cosmetic dentistry, or special creams? I’m showing my character!  I show that I’ve been places and I am here to talk about it, and I laugh when it hurts the most because remember when we were kids and your parents told you that-you have to laugh at yourself when you make mistakes, fall down and look a fool, or blow a job interview? Remember those good old days when ladies actually went to the store with curlers in their hair?

Yeah, well that’s my attitude and I’m sticking to it!  Instead of crying when I want to, at my party I’ll laugh if I want to!

Until you read about the pole-dancing or belly dancing class, or go ughhh when you see that there is actually a Lingerie Football Leaugue!  Maybe I will just cry!  Boo Hoo……Until tomorrow then……Don’t forget to give me a shout out via the twitter today(or any other day for that matter)  @2happyright!

Mary Caliendo

Freakin’ Friday!

I suddenly changed my Friday title from Freaky Friday to Freakin’ Friday!  Why? Because I’m freakin’ glad its Friday! For some reason it has been a super-long week! I think that with back to school and coordinating everything such as: lunch boxes, unruly risers (daughter go to bed earlier),breakfast making,knotted shoe laces and of course the barking dog! Why not right? The dog is as spoiled as everyone in the house! And now for some reason he is not only barking at everyone walking by, he is now barking at our own children when grabbing book-bags, and putting on shoes!  What the……!  He is eight years old (that’s 56 in dog years), and I think he is slightly experiencing some Alzheimer’s doggie-style….he’s freakin’ on a Friday too! Oh well that’s my house! A little bit off-kilter!

The holiday weekend is looming and I have plans on visiting a family members house for BBQ on Monday other wise my plans for the rest of the weekend are nothing. Remember that past post I had written that said at this stage of my life I and my husband deserve a date with the lawn chair on the patio?  Well I’m going there again!  Those are my plans! My booty in that chair. People in this house will be lucky to even get a meal! Ahhh I can visualize the chair and my lazy self sitting in it!  It sounds like the best plan for a lousy freakin’ Friday! Maybe I’ll get out there today..but first I have to do some ironing,again with the wash(the piles grow to monumental size each day) and I think that it has been over a year since the floor has been scrubbed..Oh joy, Oh rapture!  I can’t wait..but I know that if I finish the chores that I want to finish on this freakin’ day, I will see that great lawn chair out on that great patio and perhaps I’ll have freakin’ glass of wine with the one I love and then much deserved r-&-r for us! 

 Whatever you do this weekend have a great one and try not to do any labor on Labor Day.(that’s the idea)  Remember that at our stage of life – we have long worked and long toiled with life in general that we deserve to plant ourselves in a bit of heaven; whatever yours may be!  Enjoy tomorrows Saturday Haiku  for you and  there will be no post for Manic Monday(I’m not laboring that day!) Until then………………..Mary Caliendo

3 Saturday Haiku For You!

Again, a continued theme each Saturday- when all the bitching and moaning are done for the week and now you need to have a “weekend wind-down”  Do it with my 3 Saturday Haiku For You!

 

Groovy, Neato, Cool

was the jive of my day but

it is so sick now!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Knowledge, understanding

accumulates with time and

lots of days gone by!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No pantyhose who

would have thunk such a thing the

young never seen my legs!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enjoy your hard-earned long weekend!

Mary Caliendo

Manic Monday

Manic Monday will be off for Labor Day- Back for trying Tuesday! (Manic Monday will run again next Monday)

Remembering September 11th

Taking the day off from being funny for just a moment. The attack on this country is no laughing matter, and no we should never ever again let out guard down, let’s reflect today. Let us remember what, and how we all felt when we heard and saw the images as they were posted on TV. The sadness was overpowering for me. So personally for me, I am putting up a flag outside, I will observe a moment of silence, and I will continue to love,honor, and respect our civil servants. This group is ourArmy,Navy, Marines,Coast Guard, Reservists,National Guard, firefighters,policemen and women, hospital workers, any other first responders, public transportation workers, ATF, Airport screeners,Red Cross,Chaplains and Priests, and anyone else who comes into harm’s way, or runs into a disaster to help to provide protection, first -aid, comfort, counsel, love, honor and respect; I salute you!

Today we remember the victims lost in the attack and their families and friends, our armed forces giving up their physical self to provide us with our freedom and their families and friends; I salute you!

And for me in my house, I will teach love, honor, respect, and the love of country in my house.  I hope you will too. Thank you.

I’ll be back for a bit of laughter in 3 Saturday Haiku for you!

Mary Caliendo

3 Saturday Haiku for You!

Well Saturday is here!  Yeah!  Yippie!  Most of the bitching and moaning is over for now- enjoy my insightful,fun, and Haiku on mid-life! Here’s is my weekly entry in the 3 Saturday Haiku for You!

 

When your body wants

to go this way and that or

to and fro- let go!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mid-life rocks the boat

out on the sea I sail with

the waves of my time!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My library is

chock full of how-to’s and what’s what

books can’t replace life!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope that you have enjoyed today’s entries- check previous entries and as always there will be more in the future!  Try your hand at summing up your mid-life in 3 lines,and  17 syllables. It’s a lot of fun!

See you on Monday for my Manic Monday installment!

Untill then…….

Mary Caliendo

Twitter Thursday

Hey everyone!  So sorry for the small hiatus- life sometimes getting in the way!

Getting back to the business of laughing it off during mid-life is my focus again!

I was laughing this morning with my cold cuppa once again, my friend was on the horn talking about what she actually witnessed being put into the dorm rooms of today’s freshman and sophmores-and you are not going to believe it either!

It’s one thing for sure to just keep up with the times, but to take things to enth level is what really shakes my tree: from moms and dads buying teeny little refrigerators,to the finest of laptops that serve as phone, video stream, link -ups to start the coffemaker!  Moms and dads buying “stuff” from the container store (they saw you coming), just to put the 30 some-odd shoes that Janey is bringing with her.  Remember those days when you actually got a new pair of shoes and then you kept that shoe box to use for something else?  I used to make keepsake boxes-to keep junk in.  I would wrap them with brown paper shopping bags(have you ever heard of them?) like we used to cover our school books with and then write all over it!  Like M.C. + ?, or peace signs, or words like “cool”, and sayings” like make love not war! “ 

Yeah that was me, how about you? Anyway sorry about that quick trip down my memory lane and back to the luxury dorms of today; colleges are now wooing the students by the perks that they offer!  I guess when you have to mortgage your life you might as well get the perks right? I mean I certainly would worry less that my teenager off on their own in the college life would have a community room with a larger than life flat-screen TV. I would worry so much less about the drinking on campus that the kitchen was loaded with ceramic tile, or that the WI-FI is all over the building! I would also worry so much less about my child’s academic progress if I knew they were safely tanning in luxury tanning beds, or swimming in the state of the art pool!

Man some kids got it rough, huh?

Thanks for listening, and if you even smiled just one little bit send me a tweet message at:@2happyright- it will be fun to see how many tweets I might get!

Ciao fo now and until tomorrow…………………..

Mary Caliendo

3 Saturday Haiku

Here comes your issue of 3 Saturday Haiku for you!  After all the bitching and moaning and the weekend is winding down and it’s time to relax and take some time for yourself…..So please take some time to enjoy the Haiku for you….

Are you an empty

nest house devoid of sounds and

movement-create some!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ladies…..

Are your boobs hanging

low and are your pants too tight?

move it or lose it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

College and paying for

it may leave a sting in the

pocket- overtime!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enjoy your weekend, see you on Manic Monday!

Mary Caliendo

New Page Theme

Hey Boomers and Boomers-soon-to-be?  Just a small quip to say although I really liked the other theme page I had for this blog I did decide to change it- and the reason is, I simple think that men thought it was too much of a “woman’s site”!  So welcome everyone to Tales from The grayside!  I will give this theme a try and see If in the end I still like it-and if not I will change it again!  Your thoughts appreciated as well!  Thanks.

Mary Caliendo

Trying Tuesday!

Welcome all to Trying Tuesday- for me and for my life after having such a Manic Monday(which was so chaotic that I did not even post) Tuesday for me is the day in which I have to catch-up on most things.

The laundry,the ironing (yes I still do), the marketing and oh yes, let’s not forget that sometime in this day I have to clean the house, make dinner, and all while I look pretty too!  How about the stay home dads out there, are there any reading this site?- I sure hope so. I’d love to hear about Trying Tuesday from a stay-at-home Dad encroaching on mid-life or boomerism! (sounds like a terrible sickness doesn’t it?) I wonder if a guy feels the same as a woman.

I hope all of my readers are able to laugh it off when it comes to trying times, like lost jobs, healthcare in jeopardy, and perhaps just the surmounting stack of college bills you might be facing. While all of those things are certainly no laughing matter, a good sense of humor may get you through the bumps in the road. I do have quiet reflection each for all those who are currently struggling. It seems that laughing will help us to release endorphins that help us to feel better. It has been proven that hospital trials had been done and that these proved that when children and adults alike get to have a laugh that they actually feel better. It has shown that by relaxing with laughter the blood pressure goes down!  That is a great sign. So stick with me as I try to provide my readers with  a funny take on life!  Mid-life doesn’t have to be sad-it could mean that you are just about to embark on a fantastic part of your life and now it is your job to go on this new journey.(with low blood pressure!!)

Remember to take good care of yourself and as soon as the kids leave for the day- crank up the stereo and jam along with some AC/DC or how about Led Zeppelin, Carly Simon, or Elton John!  Sing and dance along-go ahead no one is looking! (P.S. close the curtains) Turn on the Wii game and play the guitar, it’s fun I’ve done it! In fact, I jam and play as much as I can- Can you keep up with me? 

Jam on! Until tomorrow then…………….

Mary Caliendo

Freakin’Friday!

TGIFF!  (Thank God its Freakin’ Friday)!

For some reason this has been a really long week!  And I’m thankful it is finally Friday. The weather has been playing tricks on us this week. First, the shift of seasons is in the air and one can feel it, and fog every morning, just hanging in the air-this made us feel more like we were living in London all week long minus the accent! And what shall my eyes see-the darkness arriving so early each night now-it’s true Autumn is here and Winter is coming!

Now shedding light on all the rest of the current events on our lives that could possibly impact us are: How about the new season of Oprah?  It can’t get any better than Whitney Houston resurrecting herself,(she picked herself off the floor after Bobby Brown spat on her!) or what about the jaw-dropping interview with Mackenzie Phillips?  Wow and ewww & yuck!  And finally sad. I definitely could have lived without knowing all of that gross stuff, but I hope she feels better now, truly I know she has to, because who the H (e double toothpicks) could walk around that many years bearing that on their shoulders? Did I say any of this was funny?  No. But most likely impactful right?

But all the crazy other things that went on in the world this week some may have been slightly more funny for example: how about the game of telephone being played on Twitter again? What do I mean?  Pass it down Jacklyn Smith is dead!  Guess what she is not, she is alive and well! And is now joining the list of viral untrue celeb. death lists.

How about the 19# baby recently just born?  What? You could say that she just gave birth to a two year old!!! I hope mom is doing well and is getting rest-she’ll have a lot of work in her future. I sure know that she better not be sitting-ouch! Her stitches are killing me!

So what’s on your agenda for this weekend?  Will you attend your high school reunion? Will you go shopping for mums, and pumpkins and embrace the hoodie? Will you go out without tween daughter and see the remake of Fame? That could be cathartic. Or perhaps it is better to go with tween, so it gives you excuse to eat extra-butter popcorn and chocolate covered raisins and blame it on the kid!

For me sometime this weekend I just want to sit and be unbothered by e-mail,phone calls, and people so I can watch Patrick Swayze in Ghost thank you very much! Perhaps if that goes well, I’ll do a marathon Swayze weekend and go on into  Dirty Dancing, or The Outsiders, Point Beak, or Roadhouse.

Well whatever you do wind up doing-enjoy it to the fullest!  Embrace your mid-life and do it with as much laughter as possible (God knows it might be the only way!) P.S. Don’t look in the mirror!

Look for funny life-loving Haiku tomorrow in my 3 Saturday Haiku for you!

Mary Caliendo

3 Saturday Haiku For You!

Here’s to the weekend wind-down!  All that Bitchin’ and moaning is done-just relax and take some time to chill with a few Haiku for you!

Crows feet on your eyes

faces is changed showing your age

the rings of a tree!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Knees ache, elbow is

puffy and red too much fun

had all those years ago!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His hairline has moved

receeded like the shores of

our lovers beach!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enjoy!  Chillax your mid-life!

Until Manic Monday!

Mary Caliendo

Manic Monday

Well, how was your weekend?  I hope that you may have had a small date with the patio furniture, or perhaps the loveseat and a new novel?

That may be like reaching for the stars right?  I hope that no matter what you did today you feel revived because it’s MONDAY!  Ouch and said like a pro that I am- MONDAY!  Glad I got that out of my system!  Okay Manic Monday I met you head-on this morning and I have lived through the morning and everyone off to school hours so Breathe!

Getting a tote bag ready to goto the Y and hang out w/people who are way,way way older than I am, (this is one way to make myself feel better right?)to go exercise in the pool. It is a great feeling when I get out of the program I do feel much better and the effects last longer than exercise that is on land-

But someone help me, make-up should be adjusted when you are over 60-I think I give kudos to the women for being that old and putting make-up on and actually showing up and the majority of the ladies are very nice, but they want to talk. They want to get to know you (the young one in the class)but they want to do this when they are getting dressed in the locker room!  When I am trying to quickly get my underwear on (still have wetness on my back -shirt is stuck there)because I am actually freezing-one woman starts asking me if I have ever been in yoga, or taken meditation! Do I have arthritis (which I do), do I have a back problem. I would like to answer but I know that the questions are for the fact that this woman is very nosey. She wants all information she can get on me and several of the other who are not part of the senior-clique! It’s not for conversational reasons-she is just nosey-so at this point she knows nothing!

I promised this Monday I would take it slow- so that it would not get to the manic stage!  So while my bag is packed-I’m off to meet the wizard! (or is it the witch?) I have to be careful pretty soon I’ll be joining the cooking club they were talking about the other day!

Good riddance manic monday-hello mellow monday? I hope.

Mary Caliendo

It’s Freakin’Friday!

Yeah, yippie,wah-hoo-(doing the dance of joy) It’s friday,uh huh it freakin’ friday oh yeah!  Pay dirt for having make it through another week is friday! I think I’m not going to think too hard about what I will make for dinner, no one really cares that everything I make, I make with great care and so much love….snicker snicker! Most of the moms out there are opening bags and pouring them into skillets, or opening a box and adding @least one cup of water, or opening a micro-container and pressing the 5-6 minute switch!  Yes I’ve done it, but on most days I’d like to feel like I give my family a tiny bit more-I make most things home made. In fact, the last time I was in my fav. market in the produce section, I was nearly pushed out-of-the-way by some 4′ foreinger who could not wait for me to select my spanish onion!  I glared at her, and she bowed at me!  What, she bowed-was that to me? was that my apology?  Who knows she was rude whatever the language! Yikes!  I continue to my deli counter(again the fake Italians come out of the wood-work and  giving everything an extra “a”- the woman in front or me ordered up a one pounda of a salam, and a one pounda of a ham)  Oh really-give me a break! P.S. I’m Italian & on my turn I said….I need a pound of salami and one pound of ham, capeesch (that’s the pronunciation)!!!  My order was done pronto- no questions -no smiles and definitely no small talk!  I like it that way!!

Hey everyone I’m still getting lottery tickets!  Uh I have not won yet, you? Well let me be the first to know if you win huh?  Boy am I going to write about you!  Anyway…..Weekend is here and it is time for a pumpkin purchase.  Iwonder if I’ll come home with as many as I have in previous years? We need some for decorations, and some for carving. We need  Big ones, little ones, funny shaped ones, crooked ones, of course the very ugliest one in the millions out there, it sounds like my next door neighbors family or er… wait that’s my family!  Hahaha!  Enjoy your weekend, enjoy catching a bit of R & R with the spouse… pick some apples,stoke up the grill grab some whine with your wine!  I’ll see you tomorrow for 3 Saturday Haiku for you until then…….Chow (pronunciation) baby!

Mary Caliendo

3 Saturday Haiku For You

The weekend is here!  All your hard work pays off so that you can chillax and not think too hard. You grab an afternoon brew, watch some football(for the men), attempt the wives honey-do list(for the women) or just read these 3 Saturday Haiku for you…whatever poison you pick-have fun!

For him~~~

 

football,beer, and

pretzels, dip, and hot wings too

you’ve earned that couch spot!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For her~~~

Boobs sagging toward the

floor and booty is bigger;

beautiful mid-life!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

House runs like a well

oiled machine, bills are paid

Could you ask for more?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enjoy-laugh it off-and fall in love all over again!

Until Monday….

Mary Caliendo

It’s Freakin’ Friday!

As the winds blew the change of seasons into our area, I was all to reminded of the aches and pains that are all my own. Oops now that’s showing my age! While I am getting some relief as I head to the pool in the Y, but then again (I may have mentioned this before)I am the youngest in that class! That can go 50/50 ! What’s that? Well being the youngest in the class can make me feel that I am the strongest one in there and that if I keep doing what I’m doing, I just may look better than they do @ their ages now… um or I can feel like complete crap that I have to go to a class like that to begin with and look how much older they are and they just started the class! Guess which one reasonates the most?

Speaking of feeling crappy, can you believe David Letterman’s wife-oh she must feel pretty crappy I would think but then again I think maybe the money would be good enough to endure the bullywho that comes with that-she does know that if she has to check-out, she would be paid very handsomely for her time and troubles. I wish I could feel that crappy!  I’m still trying to win that dang lottery-each time I play I turn more and more angry. This last time as I got into my car-I kissed the ticket,held it to the sky and asked the lottery God to bless me with winning the big one!  Can you hear the laughter now? I actually thought I had a chance to win it!

But anyway, glad it’s going to be the weekend! Oh and goodie, goodie the kids will be off for Columbus Day and Teacher Institute Day so……

Maybe we will be able to go somewhere and enjoy each other’s company? Perhaps the movies, a museum,or just a restaurant to cut me a break-so I won’t have to work so hard!  We will try to put worries all behind us for a few days like H1N1 Flu, the regular flu, and strep throat!

And maybe the sun will even come out and we will not have to worry about the mud, the floods,and now the frost warning for the whole area! It’ll be great and I hope to take you along with me! Until tomorrow when I bring you 3 Saturday Haiku for You…..Mary Caliendo

Short Haitus

I have had my computer repaired this evening and I will be back for “Trying Tuesday!

Thanks!

Mary Caliendo

It’s Freakin’ Friday!

Yahoo!  It’s here TGIFF! With all the things going on today, could any of them be funny? Could there be much to laugh about?  Not too much…but we all have to reach in and seek comfort in familiar things. Take comfort food for example, it’s there when you need to feel the caress of the smells of a great pot roast in the oven on a bitterly cold day!  Are you with me? Nah, who cooks like that anymore? Why you can get that great pot roast through the drive-through window at the Culvers and if anyone has read the business section (now that’s a real joke for sure, right?) of late, you can see that McDonalds stock keeps going up and the profit keeps accumulating! Wow feeling great comfort and I am so sorry I don’t have stock in either of those restaurants! And definitely can’t single-handedly change the mindset of people- that fast food is not good for them; so I guess I better go get a double cheeseburger meal and super-size that too, I mean I just want to feel the comfort that the McDonalds will provide me! Right?

You can’t beat them sometimes you just have to surrender and join them! So as I sit and gnaw on that lunch time meal of comfort, I’ll flip on the very informative CNN Headline News program to keep me company. Hopefully I will not hear one story of a boy, a balloon and the loony mom & dad he was born to, and I also hope that I won’t hear one friggin’ thing about Jon & Kate!  I can’t stand it, I may just explode! I’d rather hear about a funny guy I used to see on TV a lot when I was little, his name was Spoupy Sales. Has anyone ever heard of him?  Oh that’s right I am that old!!! LOL Oh pie in my face! (you may not get that-Soupy Sales was famous for throwing pies)

Anyway, little Cindy from the Brady Bunch has grown up now, and Halloween costumes have grown slutty for little girls (are they serious-mothers & fathers should get slapped for letting their kids wear stuff like that)

What is the world coming to? I mean after all Oprah said on her show to her guest Wanda Sykes-since you have “come out of the closet”(she’s a lesbo)you’re prettier and funnier! Shish! Really, she’s found her true self and we can just see it, a definite epiphany! Thank Goodness- I was so struggling over that one!

Oh well my time clock is running-I’ve got to go back to my daily dribble-thanks for hanging out for a few, enjoy your day and your mid-life!  Corny but true turn that frown upside down and people will always wonder what you are up to!

Laughing my way through mid-life and forgetting that what I don’t let-won’t hurt me!  See you back tomorrow for 3 Saturday Haiku for you…….until then.

Mary Caliendo

3 Saturday Haiku For You

Just because you’ve endured the week chock full of bitchin’ and moaning…here’s a couple of Haiku for you. You’ve earned it! Enjoy!

 

TV is the same old

programs, news, and blah blah shows

video here! Tha’s new!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whats for dinner says

he-what’s new about the house says

he-it’s you lookin’ good!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

one small grandchild and

one old dog set out on a

mission; taking a walk!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I hope that with each Haiku you may find a bit of your mid-life too!

Manic Monday!

Look like it is that time again where Monday comes and strikes you in the head and you reel around until something rights your ship!  Hello Monday !  Well anyone can change that sour-puss of a face into a shining smile for the ages right? Sure. Laugh-it-off!

Once you peel back your eye-lids, while you’re trying desperately to find the snoozer button on the top of the alarm(you would not want to wake up several others in the house too early)to turn it off as quickly as possible-so you can start your day!  Hello morning-as I stretch out my body like a cat (a prerequisite for those way over 40)anyway here it is, Monday! Glorious Monday and the possibilities are endless for a day that everything could go wrong in!

When you are fast approaching the latter years in life, the last thing you want to do-well, is to have stuff to do! So start your day with a nice hot cuppa something and whatever you do brace yourself for the doomsday reports on the news! Whether it’s the market reports, the unemployment stats (making employed people feel bad for having a job), what kind of food will kill you, how about H1N1 flu, and for good measure can we talk about sex offenders and child abductions! Wow!  Tune in to my other blog for full-out real life commentary-watch me as I burst my bubble there! Yow! Anyway, we have to find some type of levity especially if you are mid-life-ish! (smile here).

So I will try, I’ll make a single cup of brew on my fancy machine(I thought I deserved one of these) and I will savor all that this cup will offer as I take my am pills, line up the lunch boxes(for those spouses and children that could not possibly do this themselves),turn on the TV for my dose of sick reality, let the dog out to pee, and try to decide what will be for dinner(heck I’ll take the mystery out of this by picking something up later). Does any of this sound familiar? Maybe you personally are deeper into mid-life than you previously thought!!LOL Just kidding you are reading this because you love the content, right? Okaaaay!

Enjoy your mid-life day, put on a grin, have another cuppa something, and away you go! Happy Manic Monday! See you fro Trying Tuesday!

Mary Caliendo

Wednesday Humpday

Welcome back humpday-this is the day of the week that the most work is supposed to be accomplished,right? Well how come is it that I feel like I am moving in slow-motion?  How come it feels like I’m not getting anywhere fast?

Age has nothing to do with procrastination does it? Does procrastination just grow as we age or is it that we’ve finally figured out that the shizzle in the chair, the pile of papers on the desk, and the inch worth(yikes) of dust on everything will still be there tomorrow! Have we all figured out by now that it won’t hurt a bit if we take a small nap? One thing I know for sure napping does grow as we age, I mean if you do once-you’ll definitely do it again!! After all resign that nothing is perfect and all the houses in magazines, are just that, magazine houses no one lives in that picture! So tell yourself that you deserve a break now- take your time and take the pressure and stress off yourself!  Set goals that you know you can handle or accomplish-don’t try to reach so high. The crap you see on those home shows-Look it only took 3 hours to completely make-over this room including paint!!!  Oh okay, these people forgot to tell you that they have a team of about 20 or so designers and laborers waiting to complete each job they are given! And in 3 hours they are done, but one person by themselves this is a insurmountable task to say the least!

Instead do one thing at time and if you have extra cash and can hire someone to paint,design, and decorate your room or house- go ahead and do it-you need to consider that these tasks without help may never be accomplished and you will have done so much for your health……you’ll have a lot less stress and you’ll be able to get your nap! This sounds like a plan!

So on this fine Wednesday Humpday save yourself - hire out for all the extra odd jobs around and you’ll be a happy camper…zzzzzzzzzzz

Mary Caliendo

It’s Freakin’Friday (Halloween eve)

Hey it’s here again!  It’s Freakin’ Friday and that is a good thing!  Did you bust your hump this week? Look, we have a bunch of things to look forward to in the next couple of days, don’t we? Did you go shopping for bags o’ candy yet?? Did you pick candy that you don’t like? I hope so,because if you are like the rest of us, you may tend to put your hand in the cookie jar, don’t you?  That’s okay, I really can’t see you-you are just normal we all do it! If you pick stuff that repulses you-you won’t be as tempted (and your waist-line should stay the same).

Now if you are like me for real  you just love the first wave of trick or treaters, because they are usually all of the little ones and they really are quite cute. They are taught to say thank you and that is a bonus-I’ll throw another piece of candy in the bag just for that! But then it gets a bit darker and the older ghouls come- I say Bah Hum Bug Dracula! It’s all too much for me-What age did you stop?  Some of the older kids come in no costume-and some come with hats on and no other costume,and still some come yet splashed in fake blood,with axes in their heads, or ugly old men maks that give everyone the Willies!!!! I feel like I must give them at least two handfuls of candy,then I am not the house that gets egged!(oh that’s really scary-have you ever been egged-it doesn’t come off-its rough!) Nor am I ever the house that gets the garbage cans dumped, or the house that gets the t-paper!  So think twice when you ask that freshman in high school- What the heck are you??? Say nothing and with the shaky hand fill the bag with gobs of treats and no one gets hurt!!

When it’s all over and you put on your jammies—–ding dong!  A random wayward child/or group of children are at the door!  You open because you think about all that garbage smashed on your driveway and you shiver!!! You open wide the door and definitely  highschool kids are standing on your stoop, and they are a smiling bunch! Trick or Treat(even though they are two hours late) I grab large handfuls and begin to fill their bulging pillow cases! As I slowly look at them, and they make eye contact with me and slowly a bead of sweat drips down the side of my forehead and my heart is racing, I hear a loud resounding Thank You, yeah thank you lady, great candy!!!!!! Whew! That wasn’t so bad!  They were nice, and they all had a costume on, none of them smashed my pumpkins or kicked my door, or otherwise reeked any havoc whatsoever!

The moral to this story….have faith…there’s only Freddie Kruger in your mind…..I think…..Boo…..Happy Halloween..be nice and give candy out you old farts,light up the Jack-o-Lantern, and be the house on the block that will be forever known as the nice house!

Mary Caliendo

3 Haiku For You!

Another week flew by and the days of sunlight are getting shorter, the cold old man of Winter is upon us…and if that doesn’t make you unhappy I don’t know what will….The forecast for the weekend is pleasantly warm! So get out in it & enjoy it & while you’re at it  Laugh it off!

For the long marriages……

Joyous harmony

the pair functions like one glove

each finger; journey! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For her……

Wake up  early and

enjoy the sunrise embrace

your day, smile big! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For him……

Easy chair, football

the weekend fun begins and

one man’s dream come true!

Enjoy your weekend!

See you for Manic Monday!

Mary Caliendo

Hello Again….

Hi there readers, long time no post…hey sorry, took a bit of me time it kind of happens at this age. With so much to do and so many things  to see sometimes the blog goes to the way-side but no matter back in the writing saddle again!

Here we go buckaroos- even though Punxsutawney Phil saw his damn shadow and predicted that we will have six more weeks of winter-I am setting “spring-type” goals:

getting out and walking

eating better & cooking better

foregiving more

and as always laughing a lot more!

Finding that laughing is truly the best medicine around, besides sex, right so we all need to do a lot more of it!

So if you look at most things that occur in your daily life we can all find something a tad bit funny about each and every thing-all we need to do is adjust our slant! It’s true! it really must be hard to make it through the day if you were Adam Sandler, or Elaine Boosler! They must constantly be laughing to themselves (and you know people are wondering what is up)

Take for instance: the breakfast this morning- in a comdey of errors we actually got nourished on some level- (ie: burnt toast, broken yolks, and too greasy potatoes- did I say I was going to eat better?) Some habits you just can’t go cold-turkey on!  LOL It will happen- I was once on the turkey bacon/spinach/balsamic vinegar kick, yes even in the morning. Look I would take a great one (quickly) and it would seem that I would then have boundless energy! I want that back!  And p.s. I actually by accident lost a couple of pounds…..

So onto the levels of disfunction- In my house, with a range of ages in it, I persue the rule Check Your Tude At The Door- If there is anything i hate more than lying it is an attitude! Don’t you even give me a lip, smirk, a hand on hip, or definite a talk-back-because even if you are a teen- though it is hard to ground you now, when you go out with friends to go chillaxing-you’ll be gone and suddenly your lap-top will be gone or tv cable disconnected-anything that I think you might need or want will “time-out”! This will continue with the threat that I will stop paying for your I-phone and soon I get the love.

Love is then bestowed on me in a measure beyond compare!  Works like a charm!

When you have lived as long as we have,  you do want to be able to laugh it off with the best of them and ring a close to great day with happiness and peace.

So let me end today by informing you that while broccoli is great at helping you fight free-radicals of cancer, low calorie and full of nutrients and vitamins-make sure you take your anti-gas pills before you meet the new nieghbors; being shrowded in a cloud of vapors is not appealing nor easy to hide!    And now with a hee hee and a haha I’ll go!

Until tomorrow………………………………

Mary Caliendo

Just Like A Boomer!

Well I changed the wordpress theme again! Wow just like a boomer to think they can constantly change their

minds! I’m guilty. So sue me! It’s a new year and I’ve already sent death threats to the groundhog, so what’s a 

 woman to do? Change the theme to the blog, it sounded good. I hope that you all like it! Are we all laughing out there? Are we enjoying some new mid-life adventure, I hope you are. Don’t forget that even if you have fallen into the socio-economic abyss, have faith and always whatever you do find humor! With humor we can all face sad things and happiness in a different way. Our outlook will change and hope can be had.

I mean after all facing things in a slightly different way ensures that we can feel better about our aches & pains and even the husbands snoring disappears! So trot out to the corner coffee/tea house grab a cuppa and sit down! By all means stay at the shop where you can listen to all the (kids) enjoying the free WI-FI (*clacking of lap top keys), and  the small hum of the brew machines. Gosh, it’s heavenly! Be careful when you get though because it may be very hard to avoid the gaggle of cords (i.e. cellp phones, i-pods, the aforementioned laptops) all charging using the shops’ free electricity! But just like a Boomer, I am, I’ll come home and sit in the quietness of my study and clack my keys in the comfort of my worn out chair, with my doggie on my lap!

My challenge today is to continue to be my true self! And without any laughing I’ll do my therapeutic stretches so that painful cortisone shots were not in vain! I’ll continue to put on a great face in the guise of all that life continues to throw my way, I hope you will too. And if you do, you won’t be sorry! After all everyone wonders about a person who’s always smiling! People just wonder what they are missing out on.

So get out there boomer! And with all the style and charm you can muster; smile and laugh! Remember there is a god and he does have a sense of humor-think about the 62 year old that got out there and sang in front of Simon and the rest of the American Idol crew, (way over the age limit for the show it’s 28) Pants on the ground!

3 Saturday Haiku For You

Well, it’s been an extremely long week for some reason-maybe it is just dealing with that
shovel and all of that snow, or perhaps you had a small glimpse into what spring may look like and you actually saw the grass; only to see predictions of a winter snow storm impending, where you will drag out that shovel again….whatever your situation-here’s acouple of Haiku to help you think, or better yet laugh it off!!

For all…

Laugh your way through your
mid-life life and your spirit
will soar above the rest!

For the ladies who have a small wild-child in them…..

Ladies of my age
only act prim and proper
change that and rock out!

Put on your red shoes
I dare you, and wear them proud
your message: rocker!

Later~~~~~~
Mary Caliendo

What is Your Post Secret?

Usually I find funny in most things, but on this day, in my (4th) fourth day of recovery from the flu (which I might say was funny as hell) albeit dizzy and still sour-stomached; I sat down to read. What else could I do?

Although I have missed several article deadlines, responded to no messages nor e-mails, at my age and stage of recovery this is all that I can do! I mean I was not even eating; this flu has really got me down and out!

Before I got ill, I went to the library(a favorite place of mine)and picked up a few books. I really want to spend time getting back to reading as well as writing. It is a past time we need to keep going; look I’m on the internet blogging but books is where I want to be too and of course the next frontier is the e-book! But I had a complete (and unfunny) epiphany! I picked up The Frank Warren Post Secret book, and was stunned! I had heard of these books before, but for some reason I had never actually read one before. The story goes that he started an art project in the year 2004, and was overwhelmed at the response. Since then he had published four other Post Secret books. Post Secrets is the collaboration of postcards sent in by anyone to reveal little tiny(or big) truths about themselves, however, done anonymously.

These postcards provided me, the reader with  a deeper connection with humanity as I immediately felt the persons pain, humility, loss, or even sense of humor. There were glimpses of God, religion, love, life, marriage,sex, growing old, pain, and death. Many of those cards showed us hope, showed fears, and those that cast a smile upon our faces instantly I thought to myself about leaving a print on society. Isn’t that what we all do? Some of us though, never leave the confines of our own families; and then there’s me!(*writer smiles and snickers)

Isn’t this what blogging is all about right? Your voice, my voice, and our voices artistically presented forth. I hope that I leave my fingerprint of sorts on you and on a small piece of the world. I hope that my writing are not just a cathartic rouse, but an actual commentary on my journey through all stages of life!

So I ask you my readers, will you leave a significant fingerprint on your world? I plan to continue until the lights go out……… and every other Trying Tuesday…….Mary Caliendo

Feeling Groovy!

Hey I’ve been busy but I haven’t forgotten that I was starting to develop a small following and so I will give my level best to get here a bit more often so I apologize!    I know that you have all missed my sheer wit and sarcasticness, right? Nah? Oh well, tie on your comedy combat boots and lets get back at it, shall we?

You bet your sweet little coolie (that’s Italian for booty) I ‘ve missed being funny! My writing for other blogs and editorships are not funny nor punny in nature; so it is cool to let go and have at it and if I can do that on a dialy basis then I think I will!While there has been excrusiatingly (is that a word) sad news in the news lately I have to find the clouds’ silver lining, so I tend to look for funny things to stay afloat!  The world seems to be falling apart at times and I think if we let it get to us we won’t have another happy day on this Earth so here goes people….enjoy your ride!

I’m glad that life is a bit deeper than Dancing with The Stars or Ellen on Idol, I mean one more mention of Kate Gosslin or when Simon Cowel was leaving and I think I would explode!  After all what about all that more important stuff like interview with Conan O’Brien or what about Whitney Houston having a “Houston we’ve got a problem” problem? I mean that is so important that wow she blew up like a balloon and couldn’t sing a lick!! What gives Whitney? And Conan are you ready to rumble? Because the news will be filled with only Conan vs. Jay vs. Letterman vs. Kimmel vs.  Jimmy Fallon vs. whatever else!  Conan in one corner and the other contender in the other corner, ding ding ding! Both shows come out swinging and then the following week it will be a ground breaking subject on SNL!

The real winner will be the first show to book Betty White on their show! So while I head off now to grab a bite to eat as I contemplate the low-carb diet that I actually wanted to start, I kkeep telling myself that it will only be a matter of time t