So here we are in the dog days of summer and I’d give anything to be a dog; my dog in particular. Not only is he chillin’ on the cold floor- with not a care in the world, I mean he has a daily housekeeper and a personal chef! Me! Ugh!

What I wouldn’t give-I mean afterall in this stage of the game, it would be nice to chill out & relax, perhaps get waited on, get plyed with snacks and get a constant of hands on massages! I couldn’t even imagine how nice that would be! It would, however, be a real tough one to do my doodie in front of my neighbors’ window while they looked out! Oh well my dog can’t have everything, right?

It’s about that time~the crazy train is pulling into the station & time to grab a cuppa somethin’! All aboard!
Can you all hear Ozzie’s laughter in the background? Catch you all a bit later-Hope you’ll join me for my next ride and don’t forget to smile & laugh in the face of middle age no matter how creepy it is!!!!! Smile on Crazy train!

Kids do mimic what they see and hear~ so if they are mimicing a good stable relationship like the one you are in hey that’s not bad, but if Susie wants a stripper pole and a “padded triangle” you are so in trouble! Keep pushing the Barbie house for as long as you can~And just say no to everything else!

When your child wants something and you don’t want them to have it just say no! It really is just that easy~just say no. Put ear plugs in there may be some crying and pleading involved but if you hold your ground more times than not your children will not ask you silly questions in the future. And thus this will help you balance your life in such a way you may even wind up with a few extra dollars in your pocket to spend on an overly high priced and high calorie coffee drink. Or dare I say it and alcoholic one and if you do the latter please raise a toast in thanks to me~ I’ll be smiling!

Have a great day and if I’m not here to pour out sage advice go to a web-site where you can find funny little quotes, it’ll help you get through a hectic day(maybe) *If Barbie is so popular, why do we have to buy her friends! author unknown.* http://www.quotegarden.com

Back at you tomorrow,when we’ll get the crazy train back on track…and the comedy of your life (and mine) will once again chuck on by! UGH!

Don’t forget you can also tweet with me @2happyright

Mary Caliendo

Feeling your age is what your supposed to do when you are this age, while we don’t actually have to say or even think of what that number actually is~we all know you know what that means, right? So if you belong to a gym and are paying for a membership why are you not there? When the snow melts a small path wide enough to walk on-go walk on it! What I am saying that if it is the dancing date with the hubby, or you just blasting the stereo during your house cleaning chores Shake what your mamma gave ya! And do it like you mean it! Burn those calories and simply just feel good! Well it’s a start anyway.

No one is going to get rid of twenty years of overweightedness (is that a word)in a single workout. I mean we all understand how hard you worked on those chips, pies, cakes, cookies, ice cream sundaes (I could continue to fantasize but) and sometimes we are embarrassed in front of others. You need to adopt my new attitude which is: Don’t look if you can’t take a joke! I know that I have most likely burned out many an eye from their quick glances it can’t be helped sometimes!

So I am carefree and I feel good about that~ I have earned every wrinkle, crinkle, age spot and gray hair-so now my character includes a few extra pounds too! I smile in the face of adversity and I buck up and go to the YMCA, I walk, I swim, I tai chi, and well Jimmy-Crack-Corn and I don’t care!

I am a good me and in a good way I am healthier for it. I laugh at the things that bother most like those crazy road map of veins on my legs, the crackling knee upon every move, or that intolerable stiff neck I get twice a week or so! I try not to let much bother me there’s way too much funny stuff out there to laugh at!

So if you are a teenager and you are complaining about pain it had better be good, because uh no sympathy here-I mean I have been there when there wasn’t physical therapy, or massage places on every corner, or even good x-rays for that matter!

So whatever you do move it ladies and gents because if you don’t move you gone lose it! And laugh, find something in this world you find funny, hilarious even and let it rip! Laugh until you pee~I promise you will feel better! You have earned it!

All aboard! The Crazy Train is about to depart……………………see you soon……………………..Mary Caliendo

Okay you don’t want to tell all and that’s okay so I’ll start it for you…..did you entertain guests that stayed at your home? Did you take guests shopping for gifts? Did you take long grueling hours in the kitchen to host a fabulous dinner?  If you answered yes to just one of those questions you should have many secrets to reveal.

 First things first, I hate it when someone comes over and if that person is slightly afraid of the dog (even if it is teeny-tiny and shaking while peeing)it peeves me to the ends of the earth that they feed my beloved pooch! Come on I would not come to visit you and say where are your scary pets, let me feed them they will like me!  Nope. Wrong! And just stop that (as I pick up the vile pile of puke that the dog ralphed in the corner) so that is just numero uno but secondly, if someone visits your home and all they can do is complain about everything and anything especially family~I have politely told one family member that he needs to stick a pie in that hole because while I am not enormously happy about some extended family members life decisions, however, it is not my place to interject or even complain about them. If a family member wants to choose to get a DUI, and you promise to drive the dependant children to anywhere and everywhere well that is up to you~DO NOT complain!

If an  extended family member had a gaseous irritated bowel syndrome problem and you happen to be sitting in a cloud of vapors~well you can choose to move or pass out the Beeno’s before dinner DO NOT Complain! If Uncle Harry’s “wiglet” is falling freely from it’s hairline position and you find it hard to tell him so~again DO NOT Complain!

And if the “staying” guests bring along the youngings and they simply turn the house upside down because well you just aren’t used to that well sorry but that’s kids and you’ll just have to get over the kid sounds and the kid “crumbs” all over! Now if these kids happen to be of the teenage set, or even middle twenties, please be forewarned and make sure your internet  has an updated secure system!  I will plead the 5th as to where some couple of them went! Mind you I’m not Complaining~just saying!

So overall, after the ciggy butts are picked up from the driveway and the stains removed from the carpet~it was fun catching up and living it up!  I hope that you got to do some of that too! My wish for the new year and for you all is that you will have the opportunity to continue to remain close~close to the things you know & love. And of course close to the things that are the freakin’ most funny on the planet! 

Live to tell about it! (oh but always change the name) Laugh about it! (Because it is the only medicine) Long for it! (Because when it comes down to it-family is all we’ve got) So Enjoy & Laugh your way through! Join me as my Crazy Train keeps on chugging down the tracks of life made lighter with laughter!  Mary Caliendo

Is there anything you can add I ask? Lend a hand I ask? I guess it was meant as a compliment when the guy on the couch said only you can do what you do…it simply just meant that he couldn’t be bothered! I guess a guy could eat Christmas dinner off the floor with clumps of dust bunnies and lint balls all around (and no my house has never been that dirty ever)! I’m off to go shopping for food now at this point in time and all the kiddies presents have been bought and wrapped and yeah you guessed it the husband will be spoiled too and I just realized that I am a multi-tasker extraordinaire! I can’t believe I’ve done the whole thing!

So I’m gearing up for the large dinner and the wonderful family guests that will be the subject of many lines of this blog, I hope that you will enjoy your Christmas whatever it is. Whether your Christmas is large or small or religious or not, I send my blessing to you all and wishing you the best for the new year to come! Be merry and enjoy and if you tend to over-enjoy just stay don’t drive or designate someone more responsible than yourself to take the wheel because getting in a wreck is no laughing matter!

Life is like Christmas you never know what you’ll get and whether it will be returned or not! Laugh it off as you stand in line~and in honor of the little ones who have made the Gingerbread cookies that looked like misfit children from a zombie zone, bite off the head and chew!!!

Merry Christmas!

Mary Caliendo

Life hits you at a

million miles an hour so

enjoy what you have!

**********

The body moans and

it will groan when movement is

made so take it slow!

**********

It’s the holidays

the season is rough; bear down

so shop, give, love, party!

Enjoy you Grayside life!

A merry what and a happy huh? Well I’m not Scrooge or anything and I’m not normally a bah humbug-ger but at my stage of the game “the thrill is gone” if you know what I mean! As we trounce around bundled up to our core, we aimsly join the thousands of other lemurs out in the stores!  Look maybe the children will play with that $100. piece of crap, or how about this game nah..needs at least two players (meaning you) so maybe that doesn’t work!  Did you once promise Johnny a puppy?  You better not have~shame on you for making any promises first of all!  No really you try within reason to get that special toy; that Sing-a-mah-jig or the Shu-shu pet and all its gear, or how about that Lego castle or remote helicopter? We really are lemurs but we look into to their eyes and suddenly they are no longer tots, they are  teens off to college or getting married and now you’re a granny and grampy!

Life comes at us full force and sometimes (it does me anyway) knock us on our little keisters (notice how I said little) and you wake up and think of all those really happy, happy holiday times!  The family, the food, the gifts and then you realize what it is all about: God and his jokes (bet you thought I was going somewhere else?). He’s up there waiting for the next generation after me and you to continue on the tradition of forgetting him while charging the kiddie toys so he in turn makes us suffer during long lines, overheatedness (is this a word?), carts up the you know what , and cranky seasonal store employees (who actually should be happy in this economy that they have a job!) while having only a minimal meal!

I know now that since I’ve thought this through (I reflect every year about this time), before I go to sleep tonight I’m definitely giving that big man upstairs a shout out or two! I’m also going to give thanks for being able to live another day to see the happy faces on Christmas morning. The happy screams of children: “Oh yes!”  “Oh my God I’ve always wanted this!” As we all know that in our hearts of hearts we wouldn’t be here without him!

So everybody out there in my stage of the game God Bless you and may you find that toy or game you’re looking for because if I find it first oh well I’m getting it!  Happy Holiday Happiness everyone!

Mary Caliendo

P.S. If any of my readers want to submit that gift you all can too!  That was not just for the family…..hahahaha! I am not a Scrooge and when the going gets rough and I’m tough I get going!  And now I guess that is why they keep on coming back…..the food is good, the pies are great…..conversation is fun and everyone is happy!  Would we have it any other way?

Join me continuously as I travel on the Holiday fun wacky train….somewhere in the distance I hear Ozzie singing!!!!

Mary Caliendo

I’m not sure about you, but I think family and friends make not only the most interesting fodder for comment, they are also the funniest people on Earth! Between the conversations that take place around the dinner tables or in some people’s’ home the poker table-or the unbelievable gifts given or gotten-you know that there are jokes in there!

I’ve told people forever, to just watch it~you may become part of a post in Tales From The Grayside or perhaps wind up in my tell all novel that will of course be hilarious, right?  Any way no matter what I will stick to the adage that to protect all those that can be considered slightly innocent; I’ll never reveal your name!!! Hahahaha

Now don’t get scared just laugh along!  Join in on the funny train and you’ll all get a bit of relief, while you are crafting your holiday cards and your gifts because everything is too expensive to buy, it’s ok me too! (blushing for exactly 0 seconds)

So join me starting with tomorrows’ post Funny Train To the Holidays!  Now excuse me while I go eat my cholesterol-fat-lowering Oatmeal and coffee! Have a wonderfully funny happy day!

Mary Caliendo

(catch me @2happyright

I just read an article that stated that your house could be making you fat!  There are many reasons you could be fat, so why not just the blame the house I mean after all the house will not talk back to you! It will not accuse you of being mistaken or of lying!  So all in all it is the house’s fault! Bam!  Thank you psychologist or Feng Shui (ist) person for coming up with the fact that the way my bed faces or the fact that I have piles of papers cluttering my study gets me stuck in a place that requires me and anyone else in the same boat to accidentally put on weight or even feel weighted down!   Hello.

Well that may be a load of crap and another angle to look at things but seriously folks eat right,exercise, and get some rest and we’d all be fine. Our lifestyle is to blame for our obesity and habits that are bad for us  (can you say guacamole and tostito chips at 10 p.m.) How about, and ladies and gents I know you do this, secretly reward your child/children with treats like the ice cream cone for being good, when you just want the ice cream cone yourself!  Fess up I know you are out there!

When you think about all the stuff that could even remotely pack on the pounds oh wow we are all screwed! Skip the fests, the BBQ’s, the carnivals, and the kid’s birthday bash, and don’t you even dare go to a restaurant because there you go~pack them on~ what is a person to do?

I have a small but funny idea that…. well you tell me…go into your study or “junk room” and do not come out until you have cleaned that room from top to bottom or just get into that garage or basement..sweep that floor and rearrange! For when you have finished these projects you will feel better the weight of all that paper and cobwebs will have released you and for the first time in what may seem years from your calorie-ladened life and (*clearing throat) you may have burnt a few calories and lost a pound or two!

I hope you’ve smiled today at something I’ve said…for in these late years something’s got to give! So for me today I am off to clean my study and my garage thank you!  Here’s to a slimmer me and you!  Now go get out of here before your house makes you fat!